You now have strong opinions on some or all of the following: insurance, mortgages, meat, backyard grilling, and Kids Today.
You can never lift anything ever again.
Coffee is either the Most Important Fluid or nigh unto poison.
You have a special place for your keys and they are never there.
You are starting to laugh at King of the Hill less and agree with what Hank says more.
You have an 800-square-foot lawn and a riding mower.
You have woken up behind a Denny’s with someone’s wig and half of a roll of paper towels and no memory of how you got there.
You can see through aluminum.
You stop blinking.
Your car is full of bats. Both the animal and the baseball kind.
You spend more time gazing into the Void. It whispers sweet secrets and mediocre cheesecake recipes.
It’s following you again.
You’re on a first-name basis with your dentist.
You can never look directly at it. What does it want?
You’ve started paying attention to your tires.
Everything you try to read turns into Zalgo text.
The arms. So many arms. Closing your eyes makes no difference.
All of your mugs and t-shirts start having zany-but-tame sayings on them.
Contemporary music has become objectively inferior to what was popular when you were 20.
Your soul. It bleeds. What will you become when you are empty? Only the Muppets can say.