Top Ten Clues You Are Not A Great Criminal

Sorry, everyone. I could say that something came up yesterday, but the sad truth is I just forgot to post.

10. Bank holdup plan involves Nerf guns

9. Keep trying to acquire a “meth lab” from dog breeders

8. Settled for stealing the gumball machine from outside the liquor store

7. Stole own identity

6. Are not a bank executive

5. Explaining to the officer that pulled you over that you weren’t driving drunk, you were texting instead

4. Tried to sneak meth in to prison above dentures

3. Difficult to run from cops in raccoon outfit

2. Have filled house with cases of “Cheerios” and “Lucky Charms” but still can’t get serial killer career off ground

1. Your speakeasy is no longer illegal

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